They're coming to take us away, ho-ho, he-he, ha-ha

People are freaking out over Jade Helm 15 and most Americans have no idea what all the fuss is about. To bring you up to speed, Jade Helm 15 is a long-planned military exercise involving U.S. Special Operations forces like the Navy SEALs and the Green Berets. It will last 8 weeks starting July 15 and cover 7 states. When several Walmart stores mysteriously closed, including some in the states where Jade Helm will take place, the conspiracy nuts really went bonkers.

Look, I understand the inherent distrust of our government. I think that’s healthy. We should always be skeptical. We should always be asking questions. However, common sense should be our guide.

It’s rather difficult to ascertain exactly what the conspiracy theorists are coming unglued over. What I hear most is the institution of martial law, the rounding up of patriots and putting them in FEMA camps (whatever that’s supposed to be), and the confiscating of all the guns. As far as the detention centers are concerned, that’s where the Walmart angle comes in. Walmart has closed several stores over supposed “plumbing issues,” although we’re told no plumbing permits have been pulled in those towns. The conspiracy goes that those Walmart stores will be used as prisons when Jade Helm rounds up all the patriots.

Now, let’s throw in a healthy dose of common sense. First off, why would Obama want to upset this perfect apple cart he’s got going? He’s getting virtually everything he wants, despite a Republican Congress. Why would he now want to go into Texas, Utah, New Mexico and other states and start rounding people up?

Here’s the big common sense question. Who in their right mind thinks a bunch of Navy SEALs and Green Berets, who are arguably some of the most conservative people in the country, are going to follow an Obama order to round up innocent citizens and throw them in prison? That’s the part that’s really gotten to the participants of Jade Helm. They can understand suspicion of the government but they’re offended that people would think they would be a part of such a conspiracy.

But, of course, these conspiracy theories have been around for decades. Most recently, unfortunately, they’ve been fueled by some in talk radio and knee-jerk sites on the Internet. I’ve listened to these government conspiracies since the early ‘80s. To date, I can’t think of one that’s come true.

All one has to do is look at the track record of those spouting out all this nonsense. In fact, just look at some of the conspiracy theories and you start to see a pattern of disconnect from reality. There’s, of course, the 9/11 cover-up that theorizes 9/11 was an inside job by George W. Bush and the Twin Towers were imploded with explosives, not brought down by terrorists hijacking airplanes. In fact, the theory goes, there were no terrorists on those planes, just CIA operatives. How they managed to survive is anyone’s guess. There’s the ‘Secret Societies Control the World’ theory in which the Rothschilds are the ones pulling the strings and we are all mere marionettes. The moon landings were faked, the Holocaust didn’t happen and we’re all being ruled by reptilian elites from another planet.

Am I worried that all the patriots are going to be rounded up into FEMA camps during July and August? Not in the least. Just like those who freaked over Y2k, the only cure for this conspiracy is time. When it doesn’t happen we'll all know the truth. I’ll see you in September.


Phil Valentine is the host of the award-winning, nationally syndicated talk radio show, The Phil Valentine Show.